Being a Stepmom

Being a Stepmom has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. Challenging doesn’t mean miserable… even if the now teens drive me bonkers at times. It is all normal.

 

I am challenged daily on how to be a great role model. I have learned over the last year that the best thing I could do for the kids as well as myself is to try not to react as much as I have in the past. The thing I have learned most is that when dealing with children, if they want to battle you and you get sucked into it by reacting similar to them, then you will lose! I have learned that it is not a battle, there is no war, there will be no winner or loser. If kids want to argue, they will do it alone, if they want to throw fits, they will do it alone. Hey… sometimes I feel like throwing fits too! We all need a way to release it.

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My arms, eyes, and ears will always be open for support when the tantrum ends. Until then, I will do my best to try not to fuel the fire. We all have our moments.

I am here to make sure they are safe, feel loved, fed, taken care of in the ways they need… not always the ways they want. Wouldn’t it be a perfect world if we all got what we wanted?! Hahaha, we know that that is not always best. Some things are blessings in disguise. We may think we want something but later learn it was best we didn’t get our way! I am looking forward to the day that the teens learn this. 😉 .

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I am a Stepmother of two wonderful girls. I have been there since they were 2 and 3 years old. My husband and I also have a daughter together and she is about to turn 3 years old. Being a Mom, in general, is challenging yet can be so rewarding. We also had a Son together who passed away at 5 weeks old due to SMA. Our lives have been challenging for so many reasons. I held my head high after the loss of our Son and tried my best. My best wasn’t perfect and at times it wasn’t great. But I was there, and I never gave up. I have tried to also teach them to take responsibility for themselves as I will be the first one to own up to my mistakes!

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There has been a lot of growth in our life and I am so very grateful for that. But did I mention… TEENS ARE HARD? Hahaha. Luckily I recognize that this is the time for me to do a lot of personal growth. Teens will be hard, but I can choose to react or not react to anything. I have learned to cut out any toxicity in my life and or distance myself from it the best I can. All in all, I am happy. The kids are taken care of, we all eat, sleep and breathe with the rest of em!

Nobody has it easy at all times. Life is full of challenges. I tend to take the bull by the horns and charge on. I allow myself time to sit, feel, reflect and then I stand up, dust my boots off and throw some lipstick on.

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So many people through the years have said, “Oh just wait, one day they will recognize what you have done for them.” The truth is, I don’t need the recognition. I used to think I really needed it… but as I have gotten older and as the days go by, I realized I don’t. I am not here to be recognized… I am here to be me. I hope that I am helpful to those around me but I don’t do things to get things in return. So even if that day never comes (I know they appreciate me even if at times they don’t) I don’t have that expectation.

I like to live in the now with the ability to dream big for the future. I try to have realistic expectations and have also learned through the years that it’s ok to lower your expectations and realize we are all individuals and just because I would do something this way, doesn’t mean the next person will. Acceptance is a great thing.

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Sometimes we have to accept that there are people in our lives that we can no longer have in our lives to protect our own mental health… that is acceptance. Sometimes we accept the corky annoying habits of others because, without them, we would miss those exact annoying things.

So I have learned to tread lightly. I have learned to pick and choose my battles since I am not at war. The only war I battle in is the one inside my head. I have to live with me for the rest of my life, so I will forever be working on me. If I help others in the meantime, well then I feel proud.

I hope my Daughters learn strength, hope, peace, and honor from me. I am not always in a place of strength considering I am only human… I wonder what the aliens feel like on a constant basis? 😉 . But I try my best the majority of the time. If people see that, then great… if they don’t, then great!

I am thankful that I am able to co-parent with their biological Mom. It wasn’t always easy, but we show them now that we are a team and we are here for them. We do things together as a family and do our best to stay on the same page. We just spent a few days at the beach together as well and I was able to capture these special moments for them.

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There were a few years where they did not have their Mom in their lives as she struggled to walk her path. We are all so grateful that she has chosen the path back to her Daughters. That is why I find it super important to be a team. We may not agree with everything about one another, but as I mentioned above… expectations and acceptance are things to take into consideration. I am fortunate.

Parenting is hard no matter what role you are in. but golly gee, I am determined to raise my toddler to the best of my ability as I did with the older two.

If you are a parent, I would love to hear your do’s and don’t and what works for you. We all need each other in some ways. All of a sudden I am hearing the serenity prayer over and over in my head. 🙂 .

We got this fellow parents!

 

-Rashel Rene

 

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